Weaving Financial Freedom,
One Thread at a Time™
Daddy knows what you want… and what you want is a personal loan at 4.8% APR.
We're Already Here
We're already in your ceiling. We've been watching you struggle with your finances. Let us help.
In Every Corner of Your Home
That web behind the bookshelf? That's a branch office. The one in the bathroom? Regional headquarters. We have better coverage than your cell provider.
We've Seen Your Bank Statements
Not to alarm you, but we've been on the ceiling above your desk for months. We know about the impulse purchases. We're not judging. We're offering 4.8% APR.
We Were Here Before You Moved In
You think you bought this house? We were here first. The deed is technically in our name. But we're generous — we'll even lend you money to renovate.
You Might As Well Let Us Help
We're not leaving. You're not leaving. Let's make this cohabitation productive. You handle the rent — we'll handle your financial planning.
Financial Products That Stick
Web Equity Loan
from 4.8% APRLeverage the equity in your existing web. Fixed rates, flexible terms.
Learn More →Silk-Backed Personal Loan
from 5.2% APRBacked by the strongest natural fiber on earth.
Learn More →Fly-By-Night Emergency Loan
from 7.9% APRNeed cash fast? Daddy's here for you at 3 AM.
Learn More →How It Works
Spin Your Application
Takes just 8 minutes — that's one per leg. Fill out your details while Daddy watches patiently from the corner of the room.
Daddy Reviews Your Web
Instant approval — we already know everything about you. We've been living in your house. Your credit score is the least of what we've observed.
Funds Hit Your Account
Money deposited faster than a fly hits silk. Direct deposit into your account — or we can just leave cash in the web above your bed.
Borrowers Served
(Mostly Flies)
Satisfaction Rate
Guarantee on
Every Loan
in Loans Spun
Us vs. Them
| DaddyLongLoans | Traditional Banks | |
|---|---|---|
| Legs | 8 | 0 |
| Hidden Fees | Never | Always |
| Approval Speed | Instant | 6–8 Weeks |
| Already In Your House | Yes | No |
| Customer Hugs | 8 Arms | 2 Arms |
| Natural Web Encryption | Silk-Grade | 256-bit (Boring) |
| Knows Where You Sleep | Absolutely | Not Yet |
Don't Take Our Word For It. Take Theirs.
DaddyLongLoans helped me refinance my web at a rate I never thought possible. Five silk strands out of five.
I was tangled in debt. Daddy untangled me and gave me a fresh start. Now I'm catching opportunities left and right.
I was scared of financial institutions. But Daddy made me feel safe. The lowest rates I've ever seen — no strings attached. Well, maybe a few silk ones.
Awards & Recognition
Golden Web Award
2024
For outstanding structural integrity in financial web design.
8-Leg Seal of Excellence
2024
Only awarded to lenders with maximum appendage count.
Better Bug Bureau A++
2023 – 2024
Highest rating in the arthropod financial services category.
Ceiling Corner Magazine
"Most Trusted Lender"
Voted #1 by readers who are already inside your home.
The Webby (Actual Webby) Award
2024
Not the internet one. An actual award for the best physical web. Much more prestigious.
Pest Control Monthly
"Least Threatening Financial Spider"
A title we wear with pride. You have nothing to fear. Financially.
Other lenders leave you hanging.
Daddy catches you in a safety net of savings.
8-Leg Guarantee
If you're not satisfied, we'll eat our own web. That's how confident Daddy is.
Instant Web Approval
Apply and get approved faster than a fly hits silk. Most applications approved in minutes.
No Hidden Corners
Complete transparency. Every strand of our terms is visible. No fine silk.
24/7 Silk Support
Daddy never sleeps. Neither does our support team. We're here whenever you need us.
Meet the Team
Big Daddy Longlegs III
CEO (Chief Entanglement Officer)
Founded DLL in 2003. Believes every corner is an opportunity.
Silksworth McThread
CTO (Chief Thread Officer)
Pioneered silk-based secure financial transactions.
Flyona Catcher
CFO (Chief Fly Officer)
Manages the prey-based revenue model. Previously at Goldman Stacks.
Orberta Weaver
COO (Chief Operations Octoped)
Has never missed a deadline. Has also never missed a fly.
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Ready to let Daddy take care of you?
Apply in under 8 minutes — that's one minute per leg. No commitment. No webs attached. Just great rates from a spider who cares.